When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
