I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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