..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize