I want to stick my p in your. b.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
