I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
