How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
