Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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