I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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