my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
