i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
