I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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