You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
