he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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