You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
