I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
