i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
