She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
