He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
