Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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