pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
