so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
