While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize