Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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