You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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