Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
