Will you blow on my dice?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
