how can u be prego again
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
