you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
