For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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