Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
