Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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