Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
