i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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