some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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