I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
