he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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