from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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