we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
