woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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