you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
