i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
