genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
