Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
