yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
