My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
