Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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