you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just invented taco cereal.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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