your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
