Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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