Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
