I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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