they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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