he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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