I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
