Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't want my vagina anymore.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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