So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
