Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
