tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just google imaged poop.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize