you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
