He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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