your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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