I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
