If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
