could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
