I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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