I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
