he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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