I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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