That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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